More Stories.

I did a post a couple of months ago telling some stories about growing up in the very rural area like I did. I thought it was time to add to them. What made me think of it this time was a friend of mine, Climber, was just out west adding high points to his list. He happened to drive right through my home town. He could not believe how rural it was.

I will write two stories about a gentleman I used to know there. He was in his early 20's when I was in high school, but we still hung out sometimes. As you will see in the stories, he wasn't the sharpest knife in the cupboard. We referred to him as "Half-a-Deck".

Electric Fences work.

Three of us were riding around through the country one day. We were mostly on pasture roads. These were nothing more than parallel cows paths, but you could get almost anywhere you wanted to go on them. Even though we were a little under-age, we were drinking beer as we drove around. (I have since become a lot smarter)

As we were driving though one pasture, we passed an old barn. Half-a-deck mentioned he needed to go take a leak. We stopped, and while he went behind the barn, we started throwing rocks at an old bucket about 50 feet away. We had been doing this for about 2 minutes when we heard a blood-curdling scream come from behind the barn.

Not knowing what had happened we raced around the side to see what was wrong. He could have been bit by a rattlesnake, jumped an angry badger, or stepped on an old rusty nail. We were prepared for anything but what had happened. We found him laying on the ground groaning.

It seems that while he was relieving himself, he reached out and put his hand on the fence to steady himself. The hand he reached out with happened to come into contact with the strand of electrified wire that was there. He got a good jolt out of it. But worse, it caused him to loose some of his bladder control, and he sprayed everywhere. It was on his clothes and his shoes.

After we stopped laughing, and he recovered, we went back to the pickup. Because of the mess though we made him ride in the back until he dried out a little.


Rodeo bulls.

A local rodeo contractor used to keep his bulls in a pasture about 10 miles from where I lived. For anyone who has never been around rodeo stock, these animals were well taken care of. They had one of the best pastures in the area to feed in, with nice big trees for shade, and more than enough forage. About once a month the owner would come get them, take them to a rodeo in a padded trailer, let them get in their 8 seconds of work, and than back to the pasture. Once a year they would get put out to stud for a couple of weeks, and that was pretty much it. Not a bad life.

One thing about the bulls is that when they are not in an arena, they are pretty much like any other bull. Not overly aggressive. They are athletes who know there job, and they do it. But once they are in pasture, they are fairly docile.

One summer morning, I get a call from Ferris. I call him that because he had more tricks up his sleeve than Ferris Bueller, always trying some angle. The owner of the bulls had called him and told his the bulls had gotten out of their pasture and were in with a neighbors herd of cattle. He wanted Ferris to get a couple of friends together and go put them back in.

He picked me up, and we went by Half-a-decks place and got him. Now one thing I haven't mentioned about Half-a-deck is that his dream was to become a rodeo clown. When he came out of the house, how was he dressed? You got it.. In full clown gear. Baggy pants held up with suspenders, full make-up, and a bushy wig. Ferris was laughing so hard he couldn't drive for 5 minutes.

We get to the pasture, find the gate that had been left open, get try to figure out a plan to get the bulls back in. Half-a-deck says that he has an idea, and takes off jogging through the pasture the bulls were in. We yell at him to come back, but he ignored us and kept trotting along.

As he disappeared over a small rise, Ferris and I looked at each other, and just shook our heads. This could not end well.

After about 5 minutes, we hear a scream coming from the general direction that he had run off. As we get ready to go help, here he come back up over the rise.

I mention before that these bulls were fairly docile in pasture, but the sight of the clown suit must have brought out the RODEO bull in them. Because about a hundred feet behind him and closing fast were all 8 bulls we were sent to get.

He is yelling at us, "OPEN THE GATE!!! OPEN THE GATE!!!!"

We swing it open, he runs through followed by the bulls. We close the gate, and he turns quickly and dives under the fence.

After he catches his breath, and gains enough composer to stand on his own, He tells us that he didn't think he was going to make it. We agree and told him that had to be the stupidest thing we have ever seen.

He just laugh, and said, "At least I got them in."

We couldn't argue with that.

Later,

Deej

Such a Cutie!

La Nina is reaching a cute age. She is getting to be really talkative, and it does matter if she has someone to talk to. I was taking her home from daycare yesterday, and she started talking to herself in the back seat. She was bringing home some artwork from daycare, and one of the pieces was a cut out of a flower with a photograph of her in the middle.

Now lately when she is on the potty, her mom has been reading her a book named "Olivia". It is about a your piglet named Olivia who is full of energy. BH keeps telling her that she is a lot like Olivia with her energy.

As I am driving home, La Nina is talking to the picture and calling it Olivia. She kept up the conversation all the way home. She told "Olivia" all about her day, told her about the new horsey she had gotten, and that it was an appalossa. She even told her that she want "chicky nuggets" for dinner.

I would have thought she was actually talking to me, but every time I would ask her about something she had said, she would tell me she was talking to Olivia, not me.

She is turning into such a little personality. When we go to the park, she is right in the middle of the other kids, regardless of how old they are. She takes turns following their lead, and taking the lead in games with them. The only real problem is that she is not very good at taking social cues from other kids, and doesn't really know when to back off.

She is also the grumpiest thing in the world when she first wakes up. It can take up to an hour for her to come around and be the sweet kid that she normally is.

The thing I like best, though, is she is getting into a real huggie stage. It seem like every 15 to 20 minutes she coming up and asking for a hug and kiss. I love it.

I wish she could stay this age forever, but I know she can't. With my luck, she will be the one to turn into the Goth-chick with all the tattoos and piercing. Oh well, all I can do if that happens is continue to love her.

Later,

Deej

The Mother-in-Law Returns.

The Mother-in-Law came back this weekend to "help" some more with BH getting over her surgery. It turned into one big cat fight between the two. It started with the MIL trying to teach BH how to sew some dolls. I will attempt to re-create a timeline on it.

Saturday:

8:00am- I fix breafast-sausage patties, eggs, pancakes, and coffee. They sit and read the paper, and watch TV.

9;30am- I get La Nina dressed. They are still watching TV.

10:00am- I take La Nina to a historic farm south of where we live to get her out of the other two's hair so they can concentrate on the dolls. ( I have mentioned this farm in an earlier post. It is really quite nice.) They start to get dressed for the day.

***The next thre hours is conjecture and on my part

10:30am- BH checks her e-mail and voice-mail for work. MIL get upset that that cuts into her time.

11:00am- MIL gets huffy that BH dares to take care of her job, and goes and lays down in the guest room.

11:30am- BH finishes her work and is ready to start crafting. MIL says she has a head ache and wants to rest for a few minutes. BH is sure that it is retribution for her not dropping everything when MIL was ready.

12:00pm- Both are finally ready to go. They set up the sewing machine, get the patterns ready and try to gather their supplies. Both were trying to be the "Alpha-Female". small squabbles break out.

1:00pm- I return with La Nina. They are spatting about why BH doesn't have all of the neccesary items to make the dolls. BH almost never sews, and didn't realize what all she needed, and MIL is from the old school that thinks no home is complete without the neccesary items to make an entire wardrobe from scratch.

1:30 pm I put La Nina down for a nap. They continue bickering about he dolls. BH thinks they are too hard to make, and wants to try a simpler pattern, MIL thinks she is being to whiney and should just do them.

2:00pm- La Nina still not asleep, who could with the racket they are making.

2:30pm- they give up on the dolls for the afternoon. They argue about going to Wal-mart to get the needed supplies. MIL wins, so they lay down for a nap themselves.

3:00pm- La Nina still not asleep, and is now jumping on her bed. I go get her and take her down stairs so the other two can nap. In the process I get yelled at for not keeping her quiet so they can nap.

4:00pm They wake up, and bicker some more about getting they supplies.

4:30pm- Thankfully I have to leave for work. All evidence states they got along most of the evening.

12:00am- I get home to find they let La Nina sleep for an hour and a half from 7:00pm to 8:30 pm. La Nina is still awake. I am TOLD that I need to try to get her to sleep. I go into her room and tell her she needs to lay down. She tells me she is scared, and asks me to lay with her. Since her bed is so small, I lay down on the floor with one of her stuffed animals for a pillow.

1:00am- Sometime around now, we both fall asleep.

Sunday:

7:30am- I La-Nina wakes me up needing to go potty. I take her, then we go dawn stairs and I fix breakfast again, this time frech toast and bacon.

8:00am- I wake up BH and MIL and tell them breakfast is ready. BH get mad at me for not letting her sleep in since she was up late the night before. I did not remind her that I was the one who stay up with La Nina, and slept on the floor, and got up at 7:30 to fix them breakfast.

9:00am- I go take a shower, come back downstairs and get ready to go put out signs for an open house that BH has later that afternoon. (BH is a real estate agent, and somehow I alway end up putting out and taking in her signs.) BH is looking at jobs in the paper because her real estate carrier is not starting off well in this tough market. She asks me how much a job she found would pay after paying for daycare 4 days a week. The conversation went something like this:

Me: 4 days a week of day care would come to "X" amount, so after taxes, you would bring home about "Y" amount.

BH: (very sharply) What do you mean 4 days a week, I said 3 days!

Me: (getting huffy since I was a little tired of being snapped at that morning) No! you said 4.

BH: I did not!

MIL: (Butting in where she didn't need to) BH, yes you did, I heard it, too.

BH: Oh sure, gang up on me, too, why don't you.

MIL: I am not ganging up on you, and you need to stop being mean to me, and Deej, and everyone else.

At this point BH breaks down in tears, yells at me to just go put her signs out, and tells both of us to leave her alone, goes up stairs to get ready.

Boy is it fun here or what.

11:00am- I return from putting out the signs to find that BH has locked herself in our room, and had told MIL she might as well go home, if all she was going to do is be aurguementative all day.

However, MIL had planned on going back to the historic Farm with La Nin and myself that day for a demonstration the were putting on about herbs used in the 1860's.

I go up to try to talk to BH, who just yells at me to get out and leave her alone.

12:00pm- MIL, La Nina and myself go to the farm. I get to listen about how mean BH was all day the day before and how hurtful she could be. I keep quiet. after we got to the farm everything settled down. We ended up having fun. But I know it is not over.

2:30pm- we get ready to leave the farm, I call BH to make sure she is okay. It is something I do during every open house, because there are just to many crazies out there. Her phone has an out of service message. I get a little worried so we head to the house she is showing.

3:00pm- we arrive at the house, I go up to the door to be greeted with a "What are you doing here?" I tell her about the message on the phone and told her I was just checking on her. "I'm fine, as if either of you really care."

3:30pm- We get back home. Since I work again that night, I get the trash ready for the truck for the next morning.

4:15pm- BH gets home, and as I am still outside pulling some weeds out of the flower garden, proceedes to tell me that she appreciated me checking on her but that MIL was just being mean.

4:30pm- Mercifully, I have to go to work again.

8:30pm- I call to check to make sure everyone is still alive, and find that they had just got back from going to the Olive Garden for dinner and everything was hunky dory. I ate a bologna sandwich, and they ate Olive Garden, how fair is that?


This is why I will never understand mother daughter relationships.

It is also why I am glad this weekend is over.

Later,

Deej